


Feel Like Home

by triplebang



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Getting Together, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 11:28:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16304315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/triplebang/pseuds/triplebang
Summary: Everything about Felix is pretty typical, and he's not all that much of an interesting person. Hyunjin, on the other hand, is so cool and could definitely make out with whoever he wants, and why would that ever be Felix?





	Feel Like Home

**Author's Note:**

> immmmmm hesitating posting this cause idk if it makes sense but you know what imma do it anyway. 
> 
> heres the additional warnings: references to depression, very brief reference to bullying, brief references to things like drinking/smoking ??? i dont know 
> 
> important warnings: referenced sexual assault, like they talk about it in the fic, and then theres mild sexual content. nothing thats /too/ saucy but i know that it might make some people uncomfortable
> 
> i didnt proof read so im sorry for any careless spelling mistakes or grammar mistakes

Felix wants to run away from home. It’s a typical feeling, he thinks. Many people want to run away from home. It’s just a feeling that everybody experiences in their life, no matter for how long or to what extent. But Felix hates feeling typical.

He’s a depressed gay teenager with a less than friendly relationship with his parents. He sucks at school, and he even gets bullied a bit. But that’s typical. He’s sure that he isn’t the only one with that exact same set of struggles.

It doesn’t matter though, because Felix still feels awful. He knows that his situation isn’t special, and he knows that plenty of people go through this and that they deal with it, but he just can’t. He can’t do this. His entire life feels like a weight on his shoulders. He doesn’t want it, but what can he do? Kill himself? He can’t bring himself to do that.

So he’s lying on his bed, lazily scrolling through his phone, eyes void of any sign of life. His thumb slides across the screen, pictures and more pictures of people that he only mildly cares about run past his eyes, and then his thumb stops suddenly. Hyunjin posted a new selfie on Instagram. He immediately double taps on it, and then zooms in on his friend’s face.

He’s so fucking pretty.

Felix dreamily sighs and brings the phone to his chest, all like a 15 year old girl from a teenage romance movie. He brings his phone back to his face, and stares at Hyunjin’s lips, and thinks about how much he wants to kiss those lips, how he wants to nibble on them, how much he wants to just eat his friend up.

Oh, right. Another thing that’s typical is how he has an unrequited crush on his best friend, so. There’s that. But he just likes him so much, and he knows that Hyunjin is into guys too, and if Felix weren’t such a fucking coward, he’d try harder to win over his friend’s heart, but he can’t do it.

If Felix is typical, Hyunjin is the opposite. He’s so special, he’s so interesting. Even the troubles that Hyunjin goes through are unique, Felix thinks. Maybe he’s into Hyunjin precisely because of that. He’s probably attracted to Hyunjin because he has what Felix lacks.

It’s at that moment of reflection that Felix receives a text message from the very person that he’s thinking about.

 

_hyunjin, 12:37 AM: hey babe wanna hang out?_

 

Felix has to blink at his screen a couple of times, because it’s late and the request came out of nowhere. It’s unusual.

 

_felix, 12:37 AM: but its late. You know my parents don’t let me leave the house after like 8 lol_

_hyunjin 12:38 AM: sneak out dude, come on. Please_

Sneaking out is not something that Felix typically does. He knows that Hyunjin does it all the time though, but he’s never really dragged Felix along with him. Come to think of it, it’s kind of weird that Hyunjin hasn’t ever forced him to sneak out before, considering how close they are. Maybe Hyunjin doesn’t think Felix is cool enough to do something like that. Which is true, but it would hurt his feelings.

 

_felix, 12:38 AM: alright_

_hyunjin, 12:39 AM: oh wow for real? didn’t think you’d agree so easily._

_hyunjin, 12:39 AM: meet me at the park in 10_

Felix sighs and runs a hand through his hair. The park Hyunjin is talking about is the one that’s right in between the both of their houses. Growing up, that’s where they would always plan to meet up, and it takes about 5 minutes each for them to get there.

He quickly gets up and opens his closet, because, yes, he’s going to dress nicely. But not nicely enough that Hyunjin thinks that he actually put any effort into it, just nicely enough that Hyunjin thinks that he’s cool, but casual, or whatever. Not that Hyunjin ever thinks he’s cool, but Felix can try.

He puts on a classic pair of track pants and throws on a hoodie from a group that he’s discovered recently, and he’s been really into their stuff. They make powerful rap music, and while Felix has only recently started listening to rap, he thinks he might want to try it out for himself sometime soon.

He pauses to think about how he’s actually going to leave the house. He can’t sneak out of the window, cause he’s on the second floor, but he might be able to sneak out the front if he’s quiet enough. His parents are in their room, and all he has to do is make it past them without making a sound. He’s never tried this before, so hopefully it works.

His anxiety courses though his limb, reaching his fingertips as he carefully pulls his door open. It’s painfully silent throughout the house, and that makes Felix all the more afraid of making any sounds. He steps out of his room and slowly closes the room to his door shut behind him.

Standing still, he listens for any sounds that might indicate that his parents are still awake, and when he thinks that it’s clear, he softly steps across the hall, and quickly down the stairs. He makes it to their front entrance and puts his sneakers on. He considers throwing a jacket on as well, considering that he thinks it might have been chilly when he was outside earlier, but he decides that he just doesn’t feel like it.

Opening and closing the front door is a stressful experience, because it makes significantly more noise than the door to his room did, but he thinks that he’s managed to escape without alerting his parents. The walk to the park is a lot more soothing, and he enjoys the cold bite of the night air against his skin. It feels refreshing to fill his lungs with, too.

When he arrives to the park, Hyunjin is already sitting on one of the benches, staring at his phone. The blueish glow of the phone contrasts with the orange glow of the streetlamps, and it paints Hyunjin in soothing colors that Felix finds himself getting lost in.

He walks up to his friend and stands in front of him, but Hyunjin still doesn’t look up from his phone. When Felix tries to look down to see what he’s doing, Hyunjin locks his phone with a click, and looks up at him, eyes smiling sweetly.  “I’ve been waiting so long for you,” Hyunjin greets.

“Don’t lie,” snorts Felix. “What’s up?” He sits down next to his friend on the bench and shoves his hands into his hoodie’s pockets. Hyunjin is wearing a jacket, and Felix regrets choosing not to wear one too. His friend looks like he might have been out somewhere before meeting up with him, and that brings questions into Felix’s mind.

For example, why did Hyunjin ask him to meet up? Is there something wrong? What was Hyunjin doing beforehand? Why does Hyunjin look so good? Fuck.

His hair is a little bit messed up, and Felix thinks that his lips might be a bit swollen, and all of a sudden it hits him that Hyunjin looks a little bit too much like he does in Felix’s daydreams, and that sends dread coursing through his body. He certainly does not remember being the cause of Hyunjin’s disheveled look, so who the hell was. His fists tighten in his pockets, but he tries to calm himself down. It’s not actually any of his business, so he can’t be mad.

But what the fuck? Does Hyunjin really not know that Felix has feelings for him? Like, at all? And even if he really doesn’t know, Felix thinks it’s still rude that he’d show up in front of him looking like this. He doesn’t know exactly why it is, but maybe it has something to do with decency? Urgh.

“I just wanted to see you,” the dark haired boy breathes out. “I miss you.”

“You miss me?” asks Felix. “But we saw each other a few hours ago?” The tone in his voice is judgemental, but of course Felix misses him too. Any moment that he doesn’t spend with Hyunjin is a moment that he spends missing him.

“No. I mean, like, I _miss_ you, you know?” Hyunjin puts a lot of emphasis on the word this time, and Felix raises a brow at him. “I feel like we haven’t been as close lately,” he explains shyly.

Felix sighs and tries to figure out what he’s feeling. On one hand, he’s confused and angry, because he wants to know what Hyunjin was up to earlier this night, but on the other hand, he feels extremely soft for his friend. It doesn’t take much to get Felix weak for him.

He doesn’t really know what Hyunjin is talking about though. They’re acting the same way that they’ve always been, and nothing has changed. Sure, sometimes Hyunjin goes off with other friends, and sometimes Felix decides to stay home instead of being dragged out to get fast food with him, but they’re still close.

The only thing he can really think about is how Felix has stopped talking about his feelings with the other boy, and he thinks Hyunjin has stopped as well. But isn’t that normal? Don’t people talk about their feelings less the more that they grow up? Besides, there’s no way that Felix wants to talk about his feelings with Hyunjin, when all they involve is his hatred for being alive and his obsession with Hyunjin’s lips, basically. And, like, Hyunjin in general.

What’s he going to say? “Oh, yeah, Hyunjin, I literally cannot stop thinking about you. I want to kiss you silly and maybe I want you to blow me. Then maybe I want to cuddle with you and watch spooky movies together, and I want to have sleepy make out sessions with you, then have you fall asleep in my arms. That’s how I feel. Can we do that?”

Well, clearly Hyunjin is making out with somebody else, so that’s another reason for him to absolutely not say any of those things.

Instead of letting his thoughts run around any longer, Felix asks, “What do you mean?”

Hyunjin sighs. “I don’t know. I feel like we’ve gotten a bit distant. I guess that’s kind of my fault, though.” He looks down and starts twiddling his thumbs. ”I’ve been hanging out with a bunch of people lately, but I think tonight I’ve realized that I like hanging out with you more.”

Interesting. Now, Felix definitely likes this. He still wants to find out what happened though. “Oh? What happened tonight?”

Hyunjin hesitates for a while, breathing getting kind of unsteady, and dread fills Felix’s body yet again, but this time it’s different. Hyunjin clearly doesn’t seem happy. What if somebody did something to Hyunjin against his will? Oh, god. Felix is so fucking stupid. He’s sitting here thinking about how he wants to kiss Hyunjin instead of whoever did earlier, but maybe Hyunjin didn’t even want it. What if Hyunjin has been hurt?

“It’s just,” he stutters, and now Felix definitely knows that something is off, “I was hanging out with some dudes earlier. You remember Jisung?” Felix nods. Jisung is a guy that Hyunjin befriended in one of his classes, and he’s pretty cool, but Felix thinks that he’s the one who got Hyunjin to start smoking, so that’s less cool. “Well his friend’s friend invited me to this one club that I’ve never heard of, which is already shady in itself, but I was bored and had nothing better to do so I decided to go along. Jisung was going to come with, but I think something came up so he went home. Anyway, long story short,” Hyunjin pauses here briefly, just to breathe a bit, “There was this girl at that club who kept being touchy with me, and bothering me even though I told her I wasn’t interested. She kind of… did stuff to me, and when I tried telling the guys about it, they just laughed at me.”

Felix’s eyes widen, and he gently places a hand on Hyunjin’s shoulder, who just breathes out shakily and wipes moisture away from his eyes. “Holy shit,” Felix says. “Hyunjin, are you okay?”

Hyunjin nods. “Yeah. I mean, like, no, but she didn’t hurt me or anything I guess. I just feel disgusting. And I feel worse knowing that nobody wanted to help me. And I feel stupid for even feeling like I needed help or anything. They told me that I should have just enjoyed myself, but I didn’t want to,” he explains and starts choking back tears. “I hated it.”

Felix starts rubbing circles into Hyunjin’s back, but he’s at a loss for words. What does somebody even say in his case? There’s a lot Felix wants to say, but he doesn’t know if it’ll even make Hyunjin feel better. “I’m going to kill all of them,” he angrily says, and Hyunjin giggles at that slightly.

“It’s fine, I’m just being dumb. I just think that I should stop hanging out with those kinds of people.” He relaxes into Felix’s touch, but Felix knows that he isn’t fine.

“You’re not being dumb. Even if she didn’t hurt you, it’s still gross. I can’t even imagine how it must feel to have a stranger touch me in any kind of inappropriate way. That’s scary as hell, Hyunjin.” And Hyunjin sighs sadly, leaning against Felix’s shoulder.

“Yeah, it is scary. Really scary. I really didn’t like it,” Hyunjin mumbles. ‘I don’t want to think about it anymore, though. I miss you. I miss how comfortable I feel around you. I realized that when I’m around other people, I always have to put up a front. I hate that. You’re familiar, and I love that about you.”

“I’m glad. I also feel like I can just be myself around you,” says Felix, still rubbing the other’s back.

It’s silent for a while and Felix can hear a car driving by not too far from them. The wind picks up a bit and he feels himself shiver a bit, but holding his crush so close to him makes him feel warmer.

“Hey, Felix,” starts Hyunjin, softly. “Can I try something?” He sits up straight again, and turns his body to face Felix, who just gives him a questioning look. “Can I kiss you? You can totally say no,” he says, not too eloquently.

Felix stares at him blankly. “Yeah,” he almost chokes on his spit. “But, uh, why?” There’s a thousand things rushing through his mind, and he can’t help but feel his hands start shaking slightly.

“I just,” Hyunjin starts and stops. “I mean, I kind of just want to. I think I might like you more than just a friend,” he mumbles. “It’s completely fine if that makes you uncomfortable. I wouldn’t force myself on you, especially not after what just happened to me,” he laughs bitterly.

Felix shakes his head and grabs onto Hyunjin’s hand. “No, it’s okay. I want to kiss you too. Shit,” he curses. “This is, like, crazy, because I’ve kinda been wanting to kiss you for a long time.”

Hyunjin widens his eyes at him “Really? Why didn’t you say anything?”

Felix looks down and says, “I don’t know. I’m shy. And you’re so much cooler than me, and so much hotter, and you could totally kiss whoever you want to kiss, so I’m, like, not special or anything.”

“What? Not special?” Hyunjin scoffs. “You are super special though. To me, at the very least. I think you might be my favorite person in the world. You’re just so sweet and bright, and I know that you’re struggling with yourself and with others, but you still manage to put a smile on my face whenever I’m down, and you’re always there for me. You’ve got such a charming personality, and your face is so cute it’s crazy. I’ve probably never told you, but I get the urge to kiss the freckles on your face, but obviously I haven’t done that cause it’d be weird, and I guess I just really like you a lot, wow. That sounds really gay when I say all of that out loud,’ he jokes.

Felix feels his face turn red, because Hyunjin’s words have a big effect on him. He didn’t expect any of that at all. Okay, maybe when he looks back now, there were a couple of signs, but he truly thought that it was all just wishful thinking.

“Fuck,” is the only thing he manages to reply before he pulls Hyunjin closer, so much that there’s only a centimeter in between their faces. “I’m really gay for you too, okay? Trust me.”

And just like that, Hyunjin decides to lean in and finally press their lips together. It feels nice, Felix thinks. The feeling makes his mouth buzz, kind of like there’s a tiny static running through his lips, but in a soothing way. He isn’t really sure of what he’s doing, but he lets Hyunjin take the lead and mirrors his friend’s movement. Felix brings a hand up to the back of Hyunjjin’s head, and runs his hand through his hair. Hyunjin sighs into the kiss, so Felix takes that as a sign to keep going, and he tugs on his friend’s hair a little bit. When Hyunjin keeps responding positively, Felix gets a little bit bolder with his movements, and runs a hand down Hyunjin’s chest, then hooks a finger into one of his belt loops to pull him closer. Hyunjin whines into the kiss and pulls away, only to maneuver himself on top of Felix’s lap, and then he reconnects their lips.

They keep going at a steady pace, and Felix no longer feels like the outside air is too cold anymore. He now thinks that it’s soothing across his burning flesh, and he’s glad that he’s making out with Hyunjin out here rather than inside of his stuffy room. The thought of getting seen by someone does cross his mind for a second, before it gets pushed back the second that Hyunjin’s mouth finds its way to his throat.

Felix groans and grabs Hyunjin’s hair to encourage him further. The boy in his lap starts leaving kisses all down his neck, and nibbles slightly too. “Hyunjin, fuck,” moans Felix, mind completely hazed over. “You’re so good at this.”

Hyunjin giggles, almost too innocently, and replies, “Yup. Maybe I’ve been making out with a bunch of people. Maybe it took me a while to figure out that the only person I really want to make out with is you. But, hey, at least it gave me practice.”

When Hyunjin starts moving his hips, that’s when every single coherent thought exits Felix’s mind. He can feel his friend’s erection, and he’s sure that Hyunjin can feel his too. He brings his hands down to hold onto Hyunjin’s hips and helps guiding him. “You feel so good,” he whispers against the crook of Hyunjin’s neck, and the other just hums, too focused on getting himself off.

Felix gets emotional all of a sudden and he starts tearing up. Hyunjin immediately notices and stills his actions. “Hey, what’s wrong,” he asks softly, thumb running over the bottom of Felix’s eye.

“It’s just. I think I’m overwhelmed. You just told me that you got assaulted, then you told me that you like me back, and now you’re grinding on top of me, and not even an hour ago I was sitting alone in my room being depressed over how boring I am as a person,” he explains, sniffling slightly. “God, why am I tearing up?”

Hyunjin coos and says, “Felix, you aren’t boring, though. I just told you that you’re amazing.”

“I know you did, but I just feel like I am. All of my problems are so generic but I’m still depressed. I don’t even do anything interesting ever and you do. I feel like my life is mundane, but now you’re kissing me.”

“You’re not mundane. I’m not that much more interesting than you. I don’t know why you think of yourself like that. Maybe you aren’t out doing crazy and mildly illegal things, but that’s not a bad thing. You kind of represent familiarity to me. Like, you kind of feel like home. Being able to kiss you right now feels like I finally figured out how to come back home after feeling homesick for so long,” says Hyunjin, wiping more of the moisture from underneath Felix’s eyes.

“That’s,” Felix pauses, searching for the right word, “extremely sweet. Thank you. You feel like home as well.” Then they lean back into each other, and Hyunjin kisses him so sweetly that Felix thinks that there might have been actual sugar in his mouth.

“Please touch me more,” Hyunjin whimpers against his mouth, sending a wave of arousal through Felix’s body. “My skin has been burning since the girl touched me earlier, but I want your touch to burn me harder.” And what is Felix supposed to do? Say no?

They stop making out in the park, but only because they run off to Hyunjin’s back yard. Some labored breathing and sloppy movements later, Felix thinks he does a good job at touching Hyunjin the way he wanted him to.

Felix may have been thinking earlier that night that he wanted to run away from home, but if what he said about Hyunjin feeling like home was true, then maybe he doesn’t want to do that anymore. He didn’t even technically run away from his physical home either, because he’s only about 10 minutes away, and his parents could easily find him and get mad at him for sneaking out to Hyunjin’s place during the night. It’s all kind of typical teenage stuff, still, but maybe that isn’t something that he should mind so much anymore.

Who cares? Certainly not him, now that he’s finally got the boy of his dreams in between his legs.

**Author's Note:**

> i didnt know how to end this, sorry! but i hope you enjoyed it anyway


End file.
